What I do know is that I am in a state now that I have never been in before. I am confused, disappointed, discouraged, angry and scared. I am presently trying to adjust to a much different reality than I though I would be facing at this point in my life and how that adjustment is going changes by the hour. But, the reality is that I am the pastor of a small church that is, evidently, going to grow slowly. The reality is that church is unable to afford any income to me or any other members of our leadership team. The reality is that my family and I have set ourselves back years, financially, based on the vision and promises we believe God showed us. I'm not loving the reality, but neither can I stick my head in the sand and pretend it's not there.
There are many positives. Our church is healthy. My wife and kids are a delight and we are all healthy. I live in a city I absolutely love. I have family nearby. Our leadership team is one of the best I've ever seen. My wife has a great job that she loves. The list goes on . . .
Some prayers you could pray with me this week:
- Reality - I just want to come to terms with my current reality and feel good about it.
- Job Search - I am officially looking a job again. If you know of any opportunities, please let me know.
- Renewed faith - I'm just struggling to have faith in God's promises right now. I want to believe. That's about as much as I can muster now.