Tuesday, February 5, 2008

It's been a while . . .

I have a whole new respect for those guys and girls who blog daily. What the heck do you write about? Anyway, it' has been a while and I've wanted to write several times since my last entry but duty (usually in the form of 3 little wonderful boys) calls.

I thank you so much for your prayers (those who pray for me) while I was in Ocean City. I had a real breakthrough in the way I look at my kids. I was suffering so much from SUTAD (that's stick up the a_ _ disease) and I'm sure my family was suffering with me.

I'm just much more comfortable embracing the idea that this is my life right now and that's a blessing in itself. I was missing some (much) of the joy of my boys because I had a constant tension in me that wanted them to grow up some so that their needs and the overall relationship was not so tense.

I asked for prayer on that from the group I was with in O.C. and one person's words to me just stuck. He said, "J, rarely have I met a person as introspective as you, but when it comes to your kids, just lighten up and enjoy them." Something clicked and I praise God so much for that! I'm beginning to realize why there is no manual on parenting. Much like your own relationship with God, it needs to be figured out on a daily basis. If there were a manual set up ahead of time we (I) would certainly rob our precious little children of getting to know our hearts and souls. I love my boys with the deepest part of me, and even through my struggles as a dad and a man, I think they are getting to know that deepest part of me . . . even if that's not always pretty.

Our family is struggling a bit with health. Mostly coughs and fevers that are robbing sleep. The last few nights it's been Liam up several times per night . . . which means Sara and/or I are up several times per night. Sara and I are both effected with the cough a bit, but I think we're both on the downside of the mountain. Things are good with our newest family member (in the womb). It should only be about a month before we can see if we're having a daughter or another son. We're praying for a daughter, but another son would be a great blessing too.

God sure is good. He sure has grace beyond measure. How could anyone presume to live their life outside of this grace. I would certainly never make it.

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