If You Can Answer 5 Questions, This Will Be Your Most Productive Year Yet!

In our last post, we talked about the idea of changing your mindset in order to imagine new possibilities.  If you didn’t get to read it, take a look.  Now, let’s take that a step further.  Let’s say you have yourself in a place where you’re operating primarily in a growth mindset.  Mindsets are great, but there have been many great thoughts that have languished in the minds of individuals who have never gone to the next step.  That next step is a growth plan.  You wouldn’t build a house without a set of plans that were meticulously followed.  Why try and build your life any other way?  

If you want to get someplace significant and see your dreams become reality in 2018, an effective and simple step is to write down and keep up with your growth plan.  The importance of writing it down and keeping up with it cannot be overstated.  Ideas in your head give you a general direction, but they will not get you to where you imagine you want to be.  In fact, over time, being guided by an idea will create frustration and you will begin to despise the very idea that began as an inspiring vision for your life. It’s not the idea’s fault.  It’s yours.  But, you can fix the problem.  You can start by answering these five questions.

1. How are things now?  This question speaks to the need for assessment.  You’re not just closing your eyes and picking at random or spinning a wheel to choose areas of growth.  Set aside some time and really think this through.  Chances are, you know some key areas in which you need to grow.  
2. How do I want things to be?  This is the question of vision.  While it's essential to assess the current state, the next step is declaring what you want the new reality to be.  Only you can paint a picture of what you want your future to look like.  But pictures don't paint themselves.  They require your effort.
3. What will things look like this time next year?  Vision is a picture of the future and it's essential.  But vision is not specific.  This is the point where you have to set specific goals.  Oh, and make sure they are SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, time-bound).  Most of us set silly goals because we don't put them through the SMART filter.
4. What do I have to do right now?  You can’t do everything you want to do, but you can do anything you want to do.  This question speaks to the need to narrow your focus and choose small, concrete steps.  If you did a good job answering the questions above, chances are you have a good list of areas in which you want to see growth.  Well, the next question narrows that down to specifics.  If you want to reach a goal by the end of the year, what step do you need to take by the end of the month?
5. Who will help me get there? This is probably the biggest missing piece from most growth plans.  If you’re the kind of motivated and growth-minded individual who would actually go through the steps to create a personal growth plan, you probably believe you can execute and complete it on your own.  You are wrong.  No man (or woman) is an island. You need to invite others into the process with you and give them permission to keep you accountable.  People who care about you will help you this way if you just ask.

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Remember, the answers to all these questions need to be written down and you’ve got to keep up with it.  Keep these answers close to you.  See them often.  Schedule times to assess your progress.  If you have a good plan and you’re intentional about following that plan, you absolutely will see the growth you desire.  You can do it!

5 Ways To Love Your Family This Holiday Season (Living In Alignment - Part 4)

Hey, we're deep into the Christmas season and you know what that means.  You're either going to be surrounded by family you struggle to tolerate or you're missing family who is far away. Today, as we continue the conversation about alignment, let's focus on loving both of those types of family members.  Just to review the idea of alignment:  When we are aligned in various areas of our lives, we're going to be healthy, when we're misaligned, we're going to be unhealthy.   Think of your car.  If the wheels are aligned properly, the ride is smooth and you get maximum life out of your tires.  If the wheels are misaligned, the ride is rough and your tires wear out prematurely.  Misalignment = pain.  Alignment = full functionality.  I think all of us can say we have some family relationships that contain some pain and dysfunctionality.

Disclaimer:  I'm not great at this and I don't always do what I know is right.  These are just some principles I've learned through trial and error - mostly error.  I hope they are helpful to you.  One more thought for you too.  If you read all these and automatically come back with, "Yeah, but you don't know my family", you've totally missed it and you're more of the problem than you can imagine.  All of these principles are about taking responsibility, not casting blame.  Enjoy. 

5 Ways to love those family members, both near and far:

1. Put yourself in their shoes.  Here's the problem.  We get so annoyed by those insufferable family members because we filter all their behavior through our own situation.  We think, "I would never act like that."  Well, you're right.  But you're also not in their situation.  Try imagining what life is like for them this Christmas.  You might even ask them about their situation and try to understand.  Imagine that.  I heard John Maxwell say years ago, "Hurting people hurt people."  Do you really think your relative who deals out pain like second nature is doing it so you can have an unpleasant time?  Isn't it more likely that they are hurting and you might be able to help?
2.  Think of yourself less often.  St. Francis of Assisi brilliantly prayed, "O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood than to understand."  This plays off the one above and could be a brand new way to relate to your family.  I understand where you are because I'm the same as you.  I go into almost every relationship, family or otherwise, with the filter of how that peson is efffecting me on.  But, what I've learned is that is the wrong filter.  You should learn this too.  The more you go into your family relationships thinking about yourself and how it all makes you feel, the more frustrated and unfulfilled you will be.  That is a fact and you can't change that.  What you can change is how you look at those family relationships. Change your thinking.  How are you making them feel?  Not how are they making you feel.  
3. Limit the visit.  This is purely practical.  Even if you masterfully employ #'s 1 & 2 above, things don't become magically perfect.  Why?  Beceause you can only control 50% of the people in every relationahip you have.  There is still the variable of that family member you're having trouble with.  So, let's get practical.  If you know someone is tough for you to handle, limit the visit.  Three hours is going to be a better experience than eight.  If they are far away, a two day visit is going to be better than five.  You can set yourself up for success or shoot yourself in the foot.  Which one sounds better?
4. Invest in the connection.  These last two are about those far-away family members we miss so much.  My wife, Sara, has really taught me this lesson and I'm so grateful to her.  When we moved to Oklahoma seven years ago, that put us anywhere from 1200 to 1600 miles away from all our family.  I assumed that meant that we would be mostly relegated to phone conversations.  Here's what Sara has shown me and what we've done.  We've invested significant time and money into keeping those relationships alive, in person.  For seven years now, almost every single family vacation and break has been one that involves significant travel to visit family.  I'm talking abut six of us in a minivan covering 4000 plus miles in a 10-16 day time-span!  I haven't loved every minute of it, but I've learned that the payoff is worth the cost.  Giving up your time and money to be wth your far off and beloved family is worth all you'll spend.
5. Move.  Not possible?  I beg to differ.  Like I said, seven years ago, we moved to Oklahoma.  Six years ago my parents did the same.  Yes, they moved 1200 miles to be near us.  They gave up jobs and sold two houses - one they lived in and one investment property - so they could be near us.  It wasn't all roses.  They've had some significant personal challenges along the way, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard them say (my dad, especially) something like, "I'm so glad we moved here.  I just couldn't bear to be away from you guys."  We live in a huge country, but it's a free country.  You are free to move if you choose to.  It's not an impossibility.

Family is tough, isn't it?  I hope these thoughts on family alignment are helpful to you this holiday season.  What else would you add?  I'd love to hear your comments.

Punch Your Fears In The Face (excerpt from my upcoming new book)

Have you ever been afraid?  Have you ever doubted yourself?  I'm in the final stages of a book manuscript that covers a time in my life where I was very afraid and I doubted myself very much.  I sure didn't do everything right, but I did a few things right.  Below is an excerpt from my book manuscript.  This is one thing I did right.  I was bold and punched my fear in the face.  I hope this is inspiring to you today.

From my upcoming, yet untitled, book:

Making a difference in the world is fairly broad job description.  That was going to take some focus.  Like I’ve said before, one of the best ways to decide who you are is to decide who you are not.  It’s process of elimination and it takes effort, risk and some time.  As Summer turned to Fall in 2012, I was mowing less grass and picking up more leaves.  It’s the nature of the landscaping business.  As I spent those countless hours with a leaf blower strapped to my back and earplugs in my ears, it was just God and me for most of the day.  I knew I wasn’t to quit on life.  I knew God had a purpose for me to make a difference as a coaching leader.  But how would God accomplish that work through me?  I was still very unclear on that.   There were a couple fundamental questions I needed to answer.  The first was, which arena would I be making this difference in?  The previous 18 years of my life had all centered around church ministry.  My only real career had been church ministry.  But, just months out of the biggest ministry disaster and personal pain I had ever endured, did I want to dive back into ministry?  This was a real question I had to explore.  I prayed about that often.  I talked with Sara about it often.  I confided in her that sometimes I wondered if church leaders were second-rate leaders who couldn’t really make it in the business world.  Maybe those guys were the real rock stars.  I just didn’t know, but I was curious enough to venture into the business world, just a little. 

I saw a listing for openings for Farmers Insurance.  Of course, there are always openings like these.  It’s the business model for some insurance companies.  They interview as many people as they can, tell them all they can have their own business, train them and set them up as agents, all the while, knowing that 90% plus will fail.  But, the 10% who stick will make the company and themselves some good money.  I guess it’s a good business plan, except for the 90% who feel like failures on the back end.  I guess that’s a different story for a different time.

So, with the understanding of what I was interviewing for, I took an opportunity to be bold.  I showed up for my interview at a small mid-town office with a District manager named Kirk.  He was a good guy and I could tell he had been, himself, a successful agent.  He started with the normal spiel about how successful I could be and how I was “just the kind of person they were looking for.”  When he asked me for my thoughts I told him I was not at all the kind of person they were looking for, but I was the kind of person they needed.  He was a bit taken aback but seemed intrigued enough to not ask me to immediately leave.  He asked me to elaborate.  I proceeded to tell him that I hated sales.  I would never be good at it because I didn’t want to be good at it.  If the only job openings they had was for more people to sell more insurance, our conversation was over.  He was still listening so I went on to tell him that what I could bring to his team was almost 20 years of leadership experience and an understanding and passion for a coaching style of leadership.  “Imagine how much more insurance your agents could sell if they had a coach who could help them be their best.”, I said.  He put his hand up, much like Simon Cowell does when he's heard enough of an awful American Idol audition.  I stopped my pitch.  “It’s very interesting that you would show up here today with this coaching thing in mind.  It just so happens that Farmers has a program just like that set to launch in a couple test markets very soon.” 

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As it turned out, Farmers Insurance also suspected their agents could perform better if they were being coached.  Kirk told me that he would really like to hire me, but his district, unfortunately, was not one of the test markets, but he had a friend who was over the East Tulsa district and that was one of the test markets.  He made a call to his friend, Cory, about this strange guy who showed up for a sales interview squawking about coaching. I left there without a job offer, but I did have another interview scheduled and this time it was for a job I could actually see myself doing.  But much more importantly, I left that day with a new confidence in myself.  I was more than just a church leader.   I held my own with these business guys just fine.  It was a liberating and invigorating feeling. 

Here's what you need to notice.  Don't miss this or you miss it all.  That liberation and invigoration came only after I faced my fear and walked it down.  I pray that this will inspire you to walk your fears down.  Imagine who you can become on the other side of fear . . .

Stuck and Clueless? 5 Steps To Get You Unstuck

I received an email this week from a friend from college.  He's had some difficult circumstances to navigate. He and I have talked some about these over the last couple years and this week and he made a statement to me that is both heartbreaking and all too common.  After describing some of his recent circumstances, he said, "So, here I am with a ton to be thankful for and a huge story to tell . . . I'm not depressed or even sad; I'm just stuck and clueless at, let's just say, 46 now."

Can you relate?  I sure can.  It wasn't many years ago that I was living in the same kind of "stuck and clueless" wilderness. I knew I had a lot to offer, but I didn't know what to do or how to do it.  Maybe you've felt the same?

Let me offer you 5 steps to help get you unstuck.

1. Step away from what you don't want.  So, when you are thinking steps to get unstuck or to get a clue, some of the most important steps to take are steps away from what you don't want . In my case, I made a decision to leave a situation that was a poor fit. Interestingly, this poor fit was a church I planted and the fact that I fit poorly in an organization I founded may be a poor reflection on my leadership, but that is what it is and I can own that. Not only did I decide to leave, I promised myself that I would never take another position in a church that does not fit me.  For me, that means no small, traditional or unhealthy churches.  What is a "poor fit" for you might be a whole different thing.  But, you have to decide to step away from that which you don't want.
2. Surround yourself with the right people.  Specifically, this would be people who believe in you and who are in places you want to see yourself one day. Specifically for me, that meant being around my coach, Brad Sprague and the staff at City Church in Tulsa. Surrounding myself with those people helped tremendously, from both an intentional work standpoint (ie. life planning and coaching) and just the positive energy and friendship they imparted to me.  You are the sum total of the people who are closest to you.
3. Test new waters.  Although my only professional experience had been in church ministry, I tested the waters in both the corporate and church worlds. I interviewed for one position with Farmers Insurance and three different positions with LifeChurch. Those were both organizations with available positions that looked like a good fit for me, but as I got closer, I saw that they weren't. That's not a poor reflection on them.  It's just the simple truth that some of us fit some places and some of us fit other places.  But the value in testing the waters like this is in eliminating clutter in your mind (and heart) and focusing your vision. 
4. Articulate what you do want.  Once you eliminate a bunch of stuff that you know you don't want, you're able to focus on what you do want. I'm way over-simplifying this, but through much prayer, thought and counsel, I came to a simple decision that I wanted a church staff position at a large (or on it's way to being large) church that was really doing something significant. In addition to that, I was set on serving under a pastor that I could really look up to and feel very well lead by. And I'm not at all implying I did not look up to or was not well lead by other pastors I've served under.  This just became a clear piece as I pictured my ideal scenario.  If you don't know where you want to go, you certainly will never arrive.
5. Step toward what you do want.   Shortly after I was able to articulate exactly what I was looking for,  I shared that with a small network of local pastors here in Tulsa.  One of them texted me within days to say Solace Church was looking to add someone to their team. I knew of Solace and I knew our pastor, Matt Blair, but this was not a church on my radar at all. To make a long story short, I've been at Solace Church almost four years now.  The more opportunities you step toward, the more will present themselves.

While my role and responsibilities at Solace have evolved significantly and I've taken many more steps in personal growth and personal vision building,  the steps listed here were what got me out of that stuck and clueless spot into a place of stability where I could build new vision for all God has called me to do in this world.  I hope these are helpful to you.

3 Steps To HUGE Person Growth

(One of my bookshelves at home)

We've all heard the saying.  "Leaders are readers and readers are leaders."  Well, it's mostly true.  Maybe you could substitute the word "reader" for "learner", but the concept holds true.  Here's the part that bothers me, though. On average, I have the same conversation with leaders about three times per week.  It goes like this.

Me: "Do you like to read?"
You: "Oh yes, I love reading."
Me: "Me too.  What have you read lately?"
You: "Uh, well, I've really been meaning to start reading.  I know I should, but . . . "

You can fill in the excuse.  Look, I know that everyone doesn't love reading and I get that the amount of reading you do will vary, depending on the season of life you're currently in.  So, please hear me loud and clear.  This is not written to induce guilt on you if you're not reading.  This is meant to challenge your excuses and get you reading if you truly do want to become a reader.  Also, I'm not talking about reading romance novels here.  If that's your thing, more power to you, but I'm talking about reading that actually challenges you to grow.

Here are 3 simple steps that can get your reading.

1.  Escape the comparison trap.  It seems like most of us who are not reading much seem to feel guilty about it, especially when we run into some guy talking about how he reads a book a week.  A book a week!?  You'd be happy to read one this year, right?  Well, that's really the crux of it all, isn't it?  Consider this.  A good reading goal for you may not resemble anyone else's reading goal.  One of the most surefire ways to sabotage yourself is to set unrealistic goals.  Maybe book-a-week guy really does read that much (or maybe he's a dirty liar), but whatever the case, you can't compare yourself to him.  He may be a single dude with unbelievable amounts of time to spare and you may be a mom working full time with three kids.  Not exactly apples to apples.  Get real about what you can do.  Did you know that you can read 12-20 books per year if you set aside just 30 minutes per day, 5 days per week?  I'm serious.  Imagine how much you'll grow in the next year if you read 12 books!  Heck, if you're not reading at all, imagine how much different you'll be if you read just 3?  Don't get tripped up on what someone else does.  If you do better this year than you did last, that's growth and that's the goal.

2.  Build a reading list around your goals.  I'm assuming you have goals.  If you don't, you should.  There are too many people you could be helping in this world.  So, don't be so lazy as to not work toward some goals in your life.  Your goals are not just about you.  If you don't have any goals, presently, read here to get some help setting some goals.  Now, once you have goals set, consider building a reading list around those goals.  For 2016, I set goals in six key areas of my life.  I chose two books for each area and made those 12 books my reading list for the year.  My wife got me a Fitbit for Christmas last year.  It was really thoughtful, but it didn't really help me much.  So, I returned it to Amazon and bought my twelve books instead.  Once I'm finished with one, I just pick out the next one.  It's not the only system you can use, but it's a great place to start if you have no plan.

3.  Use simple technology to help you.  I'm not saying you need to go and buy a ton of tech to be a reader.  Personally, I prefer a hardcover book with a pen and a highlighter.  But, I bet you own a smartphone.  (I only have one friend, that I know of, who still uses an old flip-phone.)  So, assuming you have a smartphone, let me suggest two free apps that can be a world of help.  

• First is an app that plays audiobooks - maybe i-books or Audible.  Granted, audiobooks aren't for everyone, but if you can absorb them and learn that way, you can redeem a whole lot of time in the car.  Or on the treadmill.  Or on a plane.  You get the idea, right?  Of the 16 books I've read so far this year, two have been audiobooks.  I finished one in a single day on a car trip to Dallas and back.  How do I know how many books I've read so far?  Glad you asked.  That brings me to the #2 app that can really help you get reading.  
• GoodReads is a free app that lets you create different reading lists, add books to them just by searching them in the app, track your progress (by%) and leave ratings and reviews for the books you've read.  Over the last few years, I've tried several different ways of creating my "want to read" list.  I've kept lists in Evernote.  I've tried to do a paper list.  I created a Google Doc for it, but nothing works like GoodReads.  The search, list, and progress features are all in one place.  If you've taken the steps to decide what you'll read, GoodReads can keep you on track.  Oh, and you can also be friends with other people with GoodReads accounts.  You can see what they are reading and all that good stuff.  Look me up  - Jason Fitch.  I'd love to see what you're into.

One more thought.  I often hear people say something like this.  "I usually only read the first couple chapters of a book. After that, it's all a repeat anyway."  How arrogant.  I get this is true in a small percentage of books, but here's the truth.  In this case, you've either chosen your book very poorly or unwilling to press in and engage the deeper learnings. Either way, it's your fault, so get over yourself.  If the book is worth starting, it's worth finishing.  In the rare instances this is not true, just move on. There's no need to act like every book out there can't keep the attention of your brilliant intellect.  You're not that good.

Well, I hope these thoughts are helpful to you.  Please share some practical ways you've gotten yourself on the path to growth through reading.  I'm looking forward to hearing what you've done!

Please Don't Mistake Ideas For Action

I'm a documentary junkie.  I can watch a documentary on almost anything and enjoy it.  Last month, I watched a great series that documented major events in the 1960's and 1970's.  One episode chronicled the Civil Rights struggle in the 60's.  Most of it centered around Dr. Marin Luther King Jr and the incredible effectiveness he and his movement had in mobilizing people for their cause.  In more than a few cases, a march that began with 40 people in one city would end with 10,000 at its end, a couple cities down the line.  The amount of action taken to push that idea of civil rights to fruition was amazing. As I watched, I had two thoughts.  They were consecutive, but came so close, they almost felt simultaneous.

• Thought #1: "If that movement was happening today, it would explode 10-fold due to the connectivity social media gives us." 
• Thought #2: "No, it would probably get an explosion of chatter on social media that would have very little action attached to it.  In today's culture, it would be likely to fail."

And that's the problem.  In a culture where we can like and share and copy and paste ideas, even to the point that they go viral (whatever that means), we begin to believe we've actually done something.  But, in reality, we've done nothing.  Nolan Bushnell, found of both ATARI and Chuck E. Cheeses's, said it best when he said, "Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea.  It's the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference."

I'm a big fan of connectivity and social media.  It's extremely likely that you're reading this because you were lead here via social media. What I'm not a fan of is our tendency to mistake ideas for action.  On one hand, because of our high level of connectivity, it's never been easier for you to take your dream and make it a reality.  On the other hand, because of our high level of connectivity, it's never been easier for you to take your dream and feel like you're making it a reality . . . but all you're doing is talking about it.

I've been guilty of this.  For four years, I've been saying I'm going to write a book and start a coaching business.  Four years is a long time to think and talk about an idea with no real action.  Late last year, I got serious and set some goals. Six months later, my book manuscript is more than 50% written, my coaching website is more than 50% built, I've got a Life-Plan retreat for men scheduled and open for registration later this year, and I'm pursuing ongoing coaching-training down three distinct avenues.  What changed?  Ideas became plans.  Plans became action. It's a series of simple, step-by-step decisions.  

So, my hope for you is simple.  I hope you won't mistake ideas for action.  I do hope you have big ideas. But even more than that, I hope you take your ideas and make them a reality.  Think of it this way.  There are people in this world who need you to share who you are with them.  Maybe it's time to build some action plans for those ideas.  If you need someone to help you on that journey, send me a quick email and let me know. Nothing would make me happier than to help you find your future and help you make your dreams a reality.

By the way, Seth Godin wrote a brilliant little post about what he calls the "Saying/Doing Gap".  Take 60 seconds and read it.  It will be worth your time.

Brand New LifePlan Experience dates for Men, Women & Couples! (April 2018)

You've heard it before.  No one plans to fail.  We only fail to plan.  The reason you've heard it before is that it's true. In the last year, over a dozen people have gone through this experience with outstanding results and we are excited to offer this experience again!  For more information on what this experience can do for you, check out the story of one of our past participants below:

"The Life Plan retreat changed the course of my life and gave me renewed hope and a strategic plan for my life. By reviewing my life's story and identifying my purpose, passions, and values, I was able to discern how God had shaped my life and prepared me to fulfill His plan in pursuit of my Kingdom purpose." 
~ Craig Cross - Oil and Natural Gas Consultant

We're very excited to be able to bring this experience to you again this year.  Mark your calendar and save your spot.  We're sure this one will fill up quickly.  It's for men, women or couples, it's super-affordable and it will be life-changing for anyone who engages the process.

This is for you if you are dealing with . . .

• A major life transition
• A move from success to significance
• Yearning to know what God has prepared you for next
• Burn-out and losing passion for life
• A desire to find a healthy life/work balance
• Increased fulfillment and meaning in life
• Alignment with who you are and what you do
• True success, as God defines it, in your most important life, family and work priorities

What are the details?
When: April 13-14 (This is not an overnight retreat.  See schedule below)
Where: Solace Church, Tulsa, OK
Cost: Earlybird Discount before February 23 is $349 per person.  After February 23, $399. (Covers meals, materials, the experience and a follow-up coaching session)
(*Done individually, this experience is priced at $1650*)
Deadline: The final deadline to register is Friday, March 30.  (50% deposit holds your spot)
*It's very likely it will fill up prior to this date, so move quickly.
Other: Maximum group of 12  (first come, first served)

Schedule: (breaks are built into the days)
*Friday (4/13) - 8:30am - 9pm
*Saturday (4/14) - 8:30am - 4pm

Below are two very helpful links that give you an overview and some more details:
One-page LPE overview
Three-page LPE detail 

How can I reserve my spot?

Just click here to hold your spot with a 50% deposit. You'll be billed separately for the remaining balance prior to the experience.

Click here to pay in full.