How Changing Your Mindset Can Change Your Life

It’s January.  It’s a new year full of new possibilities.  Want to know the fastest and most effective way to unlock those new possibilities?  It all starts with the way you think.  Yes, the way you think.  The truth is, you can write down a list of goals that will set the world on fire, but if you are still stuck in the same old self-defeating thought patterns, it’s likely those goals won’t be reached.  Why do you think most people fail in their “New Year Resolutions”?  There are a number of reasons, but one of the biggest is trying to insert new actions into a life with old, stale thinking.  The bottom line is that if you learn to think differently and imagine new possibilities, that change in thinking will enable you to get some serious traction on those goals.

In her book, “Mindset”, Carol Dweck writes brilliantly about what she calls the ‘fixed mindset’ versus the ‘growth mindset’. Understanding these mindsets and adjusting accordingly, may make all the difference in how effective and satisfied you are in 2018. 

First, let’s look at the fixed mindset.  This is a mindset that believes intelligence is static. People in this camp believe “they are the way they are”.  They see no real hope for any significant development of who they are.  Now, it’s important to say that believing this is believing a lie.  But, simply saying this is a lie and don’t believe it is not sufficient.  Let me explain why you must work to get out of and stay out of this fixed mindset. 

Although people with a fixed mindset generally believe they are the way they are, this does not mean they have less of a desire for a positive self-image than anyone else.  So, of course, they want to perform well and look smart.  This desire, coupled with the fixed mindset, leads to some negative tendencies to be front and center.  Just to name a few, people in this space tend to avoid challenges, give up easily when facing obstacles, see high effort as generally fruitless, ignore useful negative feedback and feel threatened by the success of others.  As a result of these patterns of behavior, they may plateau early in life and achieve less than their full potential.  This, of course, ‘confirms’ their deterministic view of the world.

Now, let’s contrast this with the growth mindset.  People who hold this mindset believe that intelligence can be developed, that the brain is like a muscle that can be trained.  This leads to a desire to grow and improve.  Unlike their fixed mindset counterparts, these people believe their self-image is not tied to success or how they look to others.  For them, failure is not something to be avoided, but an opportunity to learn and grow.  So whatever happens, they win.  Generally, people in this mindset embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, see effort as a pathway to mastery, learn from criticism and find lessons and inspiration in the success of others.  All this gives them a greater and greater sense of free will. 

So, it should be clear that the growth mindset is greater than the fixed mindset in every way.  However, this is real life and we all know that almost no one will have a 100% fixed mindset or a 100% growth mindset.  Most of us have some of both going on simultaneously.   If you’re hoping to operate in a growth mindset that may sound like bad news, but remember, free will is a gift at your disposal, so it is very possible to develop a worldview that’s ever-evolving from more of a fixed mindset to more of a growth mindset.  This is true even if you are on the older side of life and are “set in your ways”.  Dweck’s research indicates that both children and adults of all ages can be taught to change their mindsets. 

This is where a good coach can help you in 2018.  When you’re ready to get started changing that old self-defeating mindset, a great step is to get engaged with a coach who will challenge your thinking, ask you the hard questions and help you learn to think differently and imagine new possibilities.  Here’s to a happy and growth-filled new year!

Stuck and Clueless? 5 Steps To Get You Unstuck

I received an email this week from a friend from college.  He's had some difficult circumstances to navigate. He and I have talked some about these over the last couple years and this week and he made a statement to me that is both heartbreaking and all too common.  After describing some of his recent circumstances, he said, "So, here I am with a ton to be thankful for and a huge story to tell . . . I'm not depressed or even sad; I'm just stuck and clueless at, let's just say, 46 now."

Can you relate?  I sure can.  It wasn't many years ago that I was living in the same kind of "stuck and clueless" wilderness. I knew I had a lot to offer, but I didn't know what to do or how to do it.  Maybe you've felt the same?

Let me offer you 5 steps to help get you unstuck.

1. Step away from what you don't want.  So, when you are thinking steps to get unstuck or to get a clue, some of the most important steps to take are steps away from what you don't want . In my case, I made a decision to leave a situation that was a poor fit. Interestingly, this poor fit was a church I planted and the fact that I fit poorly in an organization I founded may be a poor reflection on my leadership, but that is what it is and I can own that. Not only did I decide to leave, I promised myself that I would never take another position in a church that does not fit me.  For me, that means no small, traditional or unhealthy churches.  What is a "poor fit" for you might be a whole different thing.  But, you have to decide to step away from that which you don't want.
2. Surround yourself with the right people.  Specifically, this would be people who believe in you and who are in places you want to see yourself one day. Specifically for me, that meant being around my coach, Brad Sprague and the staff at City Church in Tulsa. Surrounding myself with those people helped tremendously, from both an intentional work standpoint (ie. life planning and coaching) and just the positive energy and friendship they imparted to me.  You are the sum total of the people who are closest to you.
3. Test new waters.  Although my only professional experience had been in church ministry, I tested the waters in both the corporate and church worlds. I interviewed for one position with Farmers Insurance and three different positions with LifeChurch. Those were both organizations with available positions that looked like a good fit for me, but as I got closer, I saw that they weren't. That's not a poor reflection on them.  It's just the simple truth that some of us fit some places and some of us fit other places.  But the value in testing the waters like this is in eliminating clutter in your mind (and heart) and focusing your vision. 
4. Articulate what you do want.  Once you eliminate a bunch of stuff that you know you don't want, you're able to focus on what you do want. I'm way over-simplifying this, but through much prayer, thought and counsel, I came to a simple decision that I wanted a church staff position at a large (or on it's way to being large) church that was really doing something significant. In addition to that, I was set on serving under a pastor that I could really look up to and feel very well lead by. And I'm not at all implying I did not look up to or was not well lead by other pastors I've served under.  This just became a clear piece as I pictured my ideal scenario.  If you don't know where you want to go, you certainly will never arrive.
5. Step toward what you do want.   Shortly after I was able to articulate exactly what I was looking for,  I shared that with a small network of local pastors here in Tulsa.  One of them texted me within days to say Solace Church was looking to add someone to their team. I knew of Solace and I knew our pastor, Matt Blair, but this was not a church on my radar at all. To make a long story short, I've been at Solace Church almost four years now.  The more opportunities you step toward, the more will present themselves.

While my role and responsibilities at Solace have evolved significantly and I've taken many more steps in personal growth and personal vision building,  the steps listed here were what got me out of that stuck and clueless spot into a place of stability where I could build new vision for all God has called me to do in this world.  I hope these are helpful to you.