5 Practices To Enlist The Right People On The Journey Of Life

If life is a journey, who's on that journey with you?  Easy enough question to ask, but much harder to answer.  I think we all, intuitively, know that we need people to do life with us.  We know that there are areas in which we are weak and need others to teach us, support us and even challenge us.  I probably won't get a bunch of push-back from that concept.  If you can't even embrace the idea that you can't do it all alone, you truly do have a problem.  It's called arrogance and it will absolutely destroy you.  But, if you're a rational person looking to lead yourself and those you love to a preferable future, this concept is probably not a problem for you.

The problem, I've found, is that most of us who know we need people to journey with us don't know how to enlist their help.  This used to seem like a mystery to me, as well.  But as I've experimented with this for years now, I've found several practices that can be extremely helpful in bringing the right people around you on your journey.  I hope you'll find these as helpful as I have found them.

5 Practices To Enlist The Right People On The Journey Of Life:

1.  Find + Ask 

Sure, there are people you can think of right now who "have it made" in your eyes.  Those may or may not be the people you want to identify as those you want on the journey with you.  Just because they have a great life or make a lot of money doesn't necessarily qualify them.  I know plenty of people I respect, who I don't need speaking into my life.  The key here is looking for the people who are now doing what you hope to be doing someday.  This could be someone in a career position you aspire toward.  If you're young and don't yet have kids, it could be someone you see as a great parent.  If you struggle to manage your time, you might look for someone who you believe is a great time manager.  If you are not understanding how to grow in your faith, find someone who is a few steps ahead of you and see what you can learn.  It could be anyone in any area of life.  Again, the key is to identify a person who is where you hope to be.  

Once you find them, you have to ask them to participate with you.  That sounds simple, but let me caution you here.  If you go about it the wrong way, it will get weird really fast.  I'm not talking about approaching a total stranger and asking, "Will you be my mentor?".  Almost everyone is going to say no to that.  First off, understand that most of the people you need on your journey are people you already know.  It's just a matter of you helping them see where they are strong and you're weak.  A little sincere flattery will go a long way.  I know I'm much more likely to give time to people who I know respect me.  It's just human nature.  

One more word of caution here.  If you are looking outside of your normal sphere (which is ok from time-to-time) be very careful about how you approach people you don't know.  Will Mancini recently wrote a fantastic article about that.  Please give it a read here.

2.  Lean into these relationships during non-crisis times

Ricky and Shawn are two guys I consider mentors of mine in the realm of personal health and fitness.  For a season, I actually paid for their services as coaches.  I'm not in a season of paying for their services any longer, but the relationship has been kept alive.  Since the season they have been my official coaches, I've texted both of them regularly just to check in and see what's up and how I can pray for them.  It's not super often and it's not real deep.  But the lines of communication are open regularly.  

Yesterday I texted them both asking for their prayers.  Although I've taken quite a bit of weight off in the last 18 months and have learned some new habits, I've felt myself slipping into some of my old, unhealthy, habits lately.  I told these guys as much in my text yesterday and they both responded super-positively.  In fact, Ricky said, "Hey, text us both every day until you get back into the right habits.  We don't mind."  Then not long after, Shawn send a few tongue in cheek pics to inspire me. Honestly, I was blown away by their responses.  That is really generous of them.  I would have been totally satisfied with, "You got it bro.  You're in my prayers."  But they offered so much more than that.  

Do you think it would have been the same if the lines of communication had been silent for the last 12 months?  I doubt it.  I doubt I would have even contacted them.  And that would not have reflected poorly on them.  It would have reflected poorly on me.  If you really care about your relationships, you'll keep the lines somewhat open.  

3.  Don't just take

How much more do I really have to say?  Even if you can't contribute to someone on the same level they contribute to you (which you probably can't), you can show your appreciation and gratitude in all kinds of ways.  If you think the relationship is there just for your benefit, any healthy person will intuitively feel that and move on.  Don't make this mistake.  Find non-weird ways to give back and show your gratitude.

4.  Take responsibility for your own growth 

The relationship will get old really quickly if the conversation is the same every time.  To use the example above, how many times will I get the same response from Ricky and Shawn if I'm texting them saying I'm struggling with the same things every month for the next three years?  There comes a time in every arena of life where you need to just put up or shut up.  I'd encourage you to do one of the two - preferably put up.

5.  Understand when a season begins, changes or even ends

Whether you're talking about the relationship changing in nature or ending altogether, this can be awkward at best and painful at worst.  But, that does not negate the reality here.  There are people in my life who I used to be a mentor to who have become a peer of mine.  There are people in my life who used to be daily close mentors of mine who I'm just not connected with any longer.  There are all kinds of reasons these relationships change and even cease, but you have to discern where your relationships are and where they should go.  

Another wrinkle to this it that very often certain relationships seem to "go dormant" for a period of time - sometimes years. But, even in this phase, be discerning (see #2 above).  I've seen many dormant relationships come back to life and be twice as vibrant the second time around.  

In the end, this is all an art much more than a science, but these 5 practices will serve you well if you take them to heart and put some action to them.  If there are some additional ideas I missed, I'd love for you to share them with me. Leave a comment below.  Good luck on your journey!

Are You Willing to Re-learn What You Thought You Already Knew?

If you are one who cherishes learning (and you should be - if you're reading this, you probably are), it's really amazing how much there is to learn; especially if you consider how much you might need to re-learn.  I was just taking a walk with my wife, Sara, last night and we were talking about just that. I'm 43 years old and I feel like I'm spending the better part of my adult life re-learning what I thought I already knew.  I don't resent it.  Not one bit.  To the contrary, I feel grateful for all that I'm learning these days.

In my conversation with Sara last night, we were talking specifically about food and nutrition.  My re-learning journey in this area began January 4, 2015, when I took a huge step and joined the Fit Pastors Academy.  Since that time, I've dropped about 25lbs and many inches in various places and I've also gained enough knowledge and replaced enough bad habits with good to keep that extra weight off.  

That was the beginning of the journey, but it continues today.  Last week, I finished a fascinating book, recommended by my friend and fitness coach, Ricky Van Pay.   The book is called In Defense Of Food and is authored by Michael Pollan.  I loved this book. It's been my favorite of the year, so far.

To talk about this book, I'll start with a question.  Are there assumptions in your life, maybe ones you learned from your parents and even grandparents, that just seem wrong to you?  I mean deep in your core.  I heard it put, once, very eloquently that there are certain issues that 'insult our souls'.  That is to mean that even though they are generally thought to be a fact, something deep inside of us just knows that "fact" is erroneous.

Since I've been on my own personal health journey, there have been nutritional "facts" that have insulted my soul.  As I've scarfed down protein bars, multivitamins, and extra meat to reach my nutritional targets for the day and supplement my vitamin deficiencies, I've continually found myself wondering what people have done for thousands of years without all this scientifically engineered and synthesized "nutrition".  I mean, could it be an error to think we can't get all we need from simple, God-given, whole foods?  Maybe.  As is the case with any learning journey, that's something you and I need to decide for ourselves.

I wouldn't so much call In Defense of Food a "how-to" book, but more a "why-to".  I am always a fan of the why behind the what.  Maybe that's what I love so much about this book.  Or maybe it's that it sheds some light on those issues that have insulted my soul for some time.  Here is the brief synopsis:

"Because of the so-called Western Diet, food has been replaced by nutrients and common sense by confusion - most of what we are consuming today is no longer the product of nature, but of food science.  The result is what Michael Pollan calls the American Paradox: The more we worry about nutrition, the less healthy we seem to become."

If you read this book, which I highly recommend you do, you'll read through some fascinating history of nutrition science and you'll see how the science of nutrition has been hijacked by the marketing machines of food companies.  It's sad, but not surprising, that much of what we believe to be fact is not fact at all, but just a story packaged up by food producers and our own government to meet the needs of the industry.  I know, this sounds super weird and conspiracy-theory-esque. But, if you can trust me that it's not as weird as it sounds and just read the book, I think you'll see what I mean.  

So, what does this new learning mean for me?  Well, not huge, wholesale changes.  My wife has already known for years a lot of what I'm just learning now, so our food supply in the Fitch household is fairly clean and real.  However, there are changes I'm continually making.  Especially now that I know some additional 'whys behind the whats'. But, the better question to ask is what will this new learning mean for you?

I'd really encourage you to check this book out and see what you can learn.  I would especially recommend this if you're overweight, struggling with illness or you're medication-dependent.  I'm not trying at all to make a judgment on your situation, but I do believe the foods you eat are the single biggest determining factor to your personal health.  So, I dare you to re-learn what you thought you already knew.  Will you take the dare?

Every. Body. Matters.

What if I gave you a machine that would sustain your life?  A machine whose complexity was almost unimaginable.  And what if  I told you this machine will take care of itself and even fix itself as long as you give it the right fuel and maintenance?  If this were the case, you would certainly understand that you had a big responsibility that needed to be upheld.  What's interesting is, even thought it would be tough to find someone who would disagree with that, it's almost tougher still to find many people who take much responsibility for their own physical body.  Which is, of course, that complex machine I'm speaking of.

Recently I read Every Body Matters, by Gary Thomas.  The quick version of the review is that it gets 5 stars.  But, let me tell you why it's so easy to give those 5 stars.  Simply put,  it seems to unlock the mysterious connection between body and spirit, just as the sub-title "Strengthening your body to strengthen your soul" implies.  Let me share a few quotes from the book to paint the picture. (Disclaimer: this book was written to Christians, who are the majority of my readers.)

"We are not angels, pursuing God without physical covering, and if we try to pretend we are - living as though the state of our bodies has no effect on the condition of our souls - all the proper doctrine in the world can't save us from eating away our sensitivity to God's presence or throwing away years of potential ministry if we wreck our heart's physical home."

"For most of our lives, we've emphasized growing our souls, not always realizing that a lack of physical discipline can undercut and even erode spiritual growth."

"The reason I want to get in shape, then, the reason I long for God's Church to get in shape, is not to impress anyone, not to make others feel inferior, not to demonstrate our own personal discipline and self-control.  God forbid!  On the contrary, it is to become, as Paul writes, "instruments for special purposes made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work."

I'll stop there for the sake of time, but there is so much motivating truth, I just want to ask you to read this book.  Let me tell you this quick story to illustrate the need for and the value of a book like this.   The other day I was texting with a friend who pastors a local church here in Tulsa.  He asked me about this book because he saw I was tweeting quotes from it on an almost daily basis.  I told him about it and I told him about FitPastors, an organization that has helped me and could help him get holistically fit. Once I told him all about FitPastors, he made a great statement.  He said, "Cool.  I know the "how to" options are there.  Gotta have the "want to" that overcomes the want of food. Seems like this book may attack that!"

He was exactly right.  If you're struggling with your weight or if you're struggling to be physically fit, this book is for you.  If you're one of the many who believe physical fitness has little or no value, I would challenge you to read this.  It may change your perception.  And that change in perception may change your life.  I know it's changing mine.  What's stopping you from taking a potentially life-changing step?