How To Get Yourself Out Of That Funk

I just don't feel like . . . { You can fill in the blank }  This statement has been the killer of many a dream. But why?  What if it were possible to move forward toward your dreams even when you don't feel like it?  As someone with big dreams, who is presently in a bit of a funk, I'm going to say that it is not only possible but the results are very predictable.  And it's largely up to you.  

I'm ambitious.  I'm a planner.  I'm a goal-setter.  When I set my goals for this year, I was on fire.  The pace at which I was hammering away at my goals was dizzying.  And this is where a new picture of working toward goals and dreams is needed.  You know that dizzying pace I was keeping?  While it's not wrong to go gangbusters toward something you're excited about, it's also not sustainable.  If you're in the place where you want to accomplish big goals, but you don't feel very motivated to get moving on those goals at the moment, here are a few things to consider.

Life moves in rhythms and seasons.  
The long and short of it is that your life falls into personal rhythms and seasons. Not only should you accept this fact, but you should get to know and understand your personal rhythms and seasons.   I wrote more extensively about this concept a few weeks ago.  You can read more right here.  

This is a long game. 
"We overestimate what we can accomplish in a day and underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade."  This is one of my all-time favorite quotes and life-principles.  I wrote more extensively about this here.  Please take a look.

Life is more about the journey than the destination. 
We tend to love some seasons and hate others.  But, maybe you can learn to embrace the funk you're in. Not because it's enjoyable but because it's a perfect opportunity for you to teach yourself how to break out of it.  Let's be honest, once you break out of this funk, you'll be back in another one again, at some point.  That's not a doomsday prediction.  It's reality for anyone who is learning, growing and pushing toward goals.  Embrace the reality.  Don't run from it. 

You create your own energy.  
You create energy by moving in the direction you want to go.  If you have a fitness goal that you're not moving toward, the temptation is to just give up. This, of course, takes you further from your goal and perpetuates the low state you're in.  What if you made a decision to just walk toward your goal even when you don't feel like it?  If you do, something amazing happens.  The energy you crave begins to come.  You truly can manufacture your own energy to reach your goals. Once you get down the road, the flywheel effect will kick in, but you might need to push pretty hard to get the wheel turning.  Get moving.

So, whatever goals you're working toward (family, fitness, business, spiritual or any other goal under the sun), if you're in a funk right now (like me as I write this), it's ok.  It will pass, and to a large extent, you have control over how quickly it passes.  Embrace every season of life.  Even the ones that don't feel particularly fun or energizing.  This is a long game and you'll accomplish infinitely more by staying on track, even if the pace is slow in certain seasons.  The tortoise was right. Slow and steady really does win the race.  

I'd love to know what goals you're working toward or what has you in a funk lately.  Very often, sharing it out loud is a big key to moving toward it or getting over it. 

Your New Filter For Saying NO

Why is it so hard to say no?  Well, let's not make more of it than it really is.  There are only two real reasons you say yes to things you should say no to.  (1) Because you really want to do that thing and you've neglected to count the cost.  (2) Because you want to please people and the idea of disappointing someone is too much for you to bear.  If you're making yes or no decisions like this, your filter is simply either, "Do I want to do this?" or "How will it make them feel if I say no?"  Both are fairly immature and ineffective.  Consider this instead.


A New Filter:  When you say yes to one thing, you're always saying no to another.  This is just one of those principles always at work; one that will either serve you well or bite you in the rear end.  Just think it through for a minute.  Your time, energy and money are finite resources you're tasked with managing.

• Yes to overtime, no to rest.
• Yes to dessert every night, no to fitness
• Yes to an extra hour of sleep each morning, no to personal growth
• Yes to a vendor at work who wants to come by and sell you more stuff, no to your real work
• Yes to another sports league for your kids, no to church and family time
• Yes to a huge luxury home with a huge payment, no to financial freedom

The list can go on and on.  If you're a parent, the easiest place to see this principle at work is with your kids.  How many personal desires have you said no to simply because you said yes to children once upon a time?  In this case, that yes to children was a great decision, but it illustrates this principle well. My twins will be thirteen this Fall and my drums have been stacked up in the corner of the garage for just about that same amount of time :) 

The Filter In Reverse: If you say no to one thing now, it makes room for yes to another down the line.  I serve on the staff at Solace Church.  One of my responsibilities is to respond to the requests we get from the community for financial help.  A few weeks ago a couple showed up to the church asking for money for groceries.  Based on our policies and my gut feeling about this couple I had to tell them we were unable to meet their request.  They didn't like my answer.  He told me some sad stories about how he was put out of work and she told me she was still recovering from a surgery.  She even proceeded to lift up her shirt and show me where the drain was still inserted to drain fluid off from the surgical incision.  Although it made for  a good story (because it was so gross) , it's didn't change my decision.  Now, even though I didn't fully believe their stories and I knew my decision was right, I still felt kind of bad about saying no to their request.  The truth is, I could have said yes.  I've got a budgeted amount of money to work with and I'm free to go outside what our policy says if I feel like it's the right call in that situation.  But, then a few hours later, I received a call from a couple in our church who were in a similar situation.  They met the criteria and I felt good about this one.  That finite resource of budgeted money to help these kinds of needs was still available to the second couple because I had said a somewhat difficult no to the first couple. It felt so good and so right that I could say yes now because I had said no earlier. 

What's out of control for you?  Is it your schedule?  Your money?  Your rest?  Your family time - or lack of?  Chances are if any part of your life feels over-committed and out of control, you might need to reset your filters.  What's an example of this principle at work in your life?

The Secret to Long-Term Productivity

Ok, it's not a secret, but I don't think many of us understand, and even fewer of us respect the ryhthms of our lives. Do you even know I'm talking about?  Well, if not, let's talk about them some.  If you're going through the effort of reading this blog, written to help you lead yourself better, I'm going to assume you're either (A) my mom, or (B) someone who is pretty motivated and ambitious about a great many things in your life.  Since just one of you is my mom, I'm going to write to the rest of you today.  I hope this helps you too, mom. Love you :)

"We over estimate what we can accomplish in a day and under estimate what we can accomplish in a decade."

I'm not sure who first said this.  I heard it from Blaine Bartel and he attributed it to Tony Robbins. Whoever it was, never a truer statement has been made.

I spent some time with a few guys who I highly respect yesterday and we were discussing daily and weekly routines.  One of them mentioned how he pushes to get up early several days a week, but not seven days a week.  Another said he's found, through experimentation, what time he can consistently get up in the morning without crashing after a couple weeks.

The key that I want to ask you to think about today is sustatinability.  I get that you're driven.  So am I.  I get that you want to accomplish a lot with that day you've been given.  I'm glad.  Each day is a gift and I believe we're irresponsible when we go into a day without a plan - even if the plan is to rest.  But, please hear me Mr. or Mrs. high-output, driven, world-taker.  You over estimate what you can accomplish in a day and under estimate what you can accomplish in a decade. With that being the case, you too must experiment with what works and does not work for you.  You need to get to know your personal rhythms and respect them.

There are many examples we can use, but let's use sleep.  How much sleep do you need?  Sure, you can read medical journals and find out what's recommended, but we're all a little different.  Experiment for yourself.  I know you want to get more done, but remember, you'll get more done over the long haul, if you will do the work it takes to find sustainable rhythms in your life.  I've found that a good and sustainable rhythm for me is to be in bed between 9:30 & 10pm and get up at 5am.  I do this Monday-Friday, sleep till whenever I wake up on Saturday and get up at 6am on Sundays.  I'm not suggesting this should be your rhythm for sleep.  It's just mine that I've found through several years of experimentation, false-starts and failures.  For example, I know that I can get up at 4:15am for about 6 weeks before I begin to crash during the day, but the only way I  know is that I've tried.

Two Sidenotes:

1. This is all a moving target.  Just about every cycle you find to be healthy will change as your season of life changes.  So, don't misunderstand and think this is a one and done exercise. 
2. If you think you can operate effectively on 3-4 hours of sleep per night, you're a fool.  You're probably about 50% of what you really could be. You're cheating yourself and everyone around you.  Grow up and stop believing you're super-human.

Sleep is just one example.  You can apply this toward all kinds of activities - exercise, food consumption, reading, study, hours at work, time alone, time with other people.  You name it and you'll find a healthy rhythm for yourself - if you're willing to look for it.  Remember, you will accomplish a lot more over the long haul than you will today, so choose your activities (even your rest) wisely.

I'd love to hear about some of the healthy and unhealthy rhythms you've found for yourself.

You Can Learn More From Failure Than From Success

What is success?  If you try and define it, you might find that it's tougher to pin down that you first thought.  Is it making money?  Is it feeling fulfilled?  Is it making a difference in the lives of others?  Is it leaving a legacy?  Is it following a direction you believe is God-given?  The answer is that it's some kind of mixture of all these and much more.  But my point today is not to define success, but rather to ask an even better question. Why are we all chasing it so furiously?

It seems built into us that we want to chase success and run from failure.  But why?  What do we think waits for us with success? What do we fear so greatly if we fail?  These aren't just rhetorical questions.  Rather, I want you to ask yourself these questions and work to answer them.  Their answers will have deep implications for how you'll view both success and failure in your future.

Probably much like you, I've experienced both success and failure in my life.  I've been at points where I was well thought of, I've been at points where I was embarrassed to show my face.  I've been in seasons where I had savings in the bank and seasons where I cried alone in my car because I had no idea how I would provide for my family for the next week. I've been proud of the work I've done.  I've been embarrassed to be seen doing the work I had to do.  And through all theses seasons - and I'm sure there are more of both coming for me - I've learned many valuable lessons.  Let me share just one with you today.

You can learn more from failure than from success.  

Success teaches you:

• This is easy.
• The time to take risks is over.
• Engage cruise control.  I've reached the top.  The journey is over.

Failure teaches you:

• This is more difficult than I had planned for.
• Next time I take a risk, perhaps it should be more calculated or executed more carefully.
• I'm never going to arrive, but I can learn to enjoy the journey.

Although there are many keys to capitalizing on your failures, there is one that seems to stand out.  It's guarding your heart against bitterness.  I would go so far as to say if you allow yourself to get bitter about your failure, you truly have been beaten.  This is because bitterness says, 'It's their fault, not my responsibility.'  On the other hand, if you can choose optimism, even through defeat, you are primed to learn much more than you could ever learn through success.

So, am I saying success is a bad thing?  Absolutely not.  It's wonderful to aspire toward success - whatever that may mean to you.  I'm simply saying that failure is not fatal, and even more than that, some of your greatest opportunities for learning will come through your failure.  Fear failure less.  It could prove itself a valuable ally. 

*I am currently working on a book chronicling a particular season of my life that involved some success but many more failures.  In that season, God taught me numerous lessons about myself and about life.  My hope is that those lessons will be transferrable and inspiring to you.  My goal is to have this book ready for you to read in the first quarter of 2017.*

You already know all this . . . but you'd be a fool not to look again.

The Compound Effect is a great little book written by Darren Hardy.  It's an easy, quick read.  I read it in a week and that's just about a record for me.  So, you fast readers (or people without kids - haha) could probably read it in a day or two.

I'm a little torn on this one.  Not because I don't think it's good.  It's fantastic.  By far, the best book I've read in years.  My hesitation is not because the book lacks good content, but because the content is so incredibly simple.  Just yesterday, I texted 5 friends, who are great leaders, and recommended they read it.  Part of me felt like I was doing them a huge favor, another part felt somewhat embarrassed.  It's like I almost think they will read it and then call me up and say, "Well, I already knew all that."  But as the book's introduction states, "New or more information is not what you need - a new plan of action is.  It's time to create new behaviors and habits that are oriented away from sabatoge and toward success. It's that simple."

So, I'm holding onto this little book that's absolutely life-changing.  And believe me, I realize how overused that phrase is and I use it sparingly.  But this is a true example of life-changing . . . if you decide to engage your mind and actions. 

Here's the simple truth.  You are the sum total of every single decision you make.  I'm talking hundreds a day - most of them unconscious.  But that's one of the big problems.  You're living your life on auto-pilot when you should have your hands on the stick.  Each daily decision seems small - too small to matter, but each one does matter.  We can easily fool ourselves into believing "just one donut won't kill me" or "I can miss one workout and be fine" or "I can skip having that one more tough conversation at work that I really need to have."  They're all true statements.  That is, they are true if the "one" part is true.  But it's not.  If you make these statements and believe them daily, the truth becomes a lie and you are being sabatoged by the compound effect.  You see, the compound effect is like a law of nature.  It's always in effect. You can't choose to turn it on or turn it off.  You can only choose to leverage it for success or failure.  Tony Robbins said it like this, "Your decisions shape your destiny.  You future is what you make of it.  Little, everyday decisions will either take you to the life you desire or to disaster by default."

It all boils down to success.  Not just financial or business success, but success in whatever is important to you.  I actually hate that the subtitle of the book says, "jumpstart your income" because it makes it look like it's one of those "do this and get rich overnight" books, which I despise. Truthfully, it's more like a "do this and get rich over a lifetime" book. And when I say "rich", I mean in every sense of the word, not just financially.  Besides the simple principle-based writing in this book, Hardy gives tons of practical advice on how to translate the ideas into action.  It's also packed with worksheets you can complete to get yourself on track with many things you've probably been on auto-pilot with.

The bottom line is that I belive this is not only a great read, but a very important one, for anyone who is looking to do more than just exist and be taken here and there by life.  I hope you'll take that step.  If you do read this, please come back here and share your take aways with me.  I would love to hear your success stories!  Enjoy.

There's Always a Bigger Fish. Where Do You Fall on the Scale?

Let's not talk fishing, but levels of leadership.  Yes, there are levels.  Whatever arena you lead in (even just your own personal leadership) there are many levels.  Now, I'm not sure you can measure or classify them as easily as a 1-10 scale, but what I want to share with you today is that there are many levels of leadership, many levels of excellence, many levels of competence; and you'll never arrive at the top.  As they say, there's always a bigger fish.  If you're a fish, this is bad, because this means you'll eventually be eaten.  As a leader, this is great news, because it means there is always someone you can learn from!  This concept has been stirring around inside of me lately, but yesterday I had the privilege of spending some personal time with Blake Stanley from Mountain Lake Church in Atlanta.  The dude is a big fish and my time with him reminded me again of this point I want to make to you today.  First, though, let me share with you how I got to this understanding.

My first ten years in church leadership were in a mid-sided church that was doing some great things.  We were part of a decent sized denomination and the main "world" we interacted with, from a leader-to-leader standpoint were those from churches in our community and the district from our denomination. Now, here's where I got off track.  Even though I had a solid amount of networking and exposure to other leaders, my pond was relatively small.  And since our church was one of the largest and most influential in our small pond, I was usually a big(ish) fish.  Where I got into trouble was that I didn't realize there were bigger fish in bigger ponds.  Because my exposure and my pond were limited, I began to think I was a much bigger fish than I really was.  Of course, there was the issue of personal arrogance, which is a totally different (and serious) issue.  But, here, I'm addressing the structure and exposure problems that existed for me and do exist for many leaders.

Now, sure I had "exposure" to nationally known, high-level, leaders.  I went to conferences.  I listened to leadership podcasts, etc, but I never spent time in the presence of those big fish.  And if you've never spent time in the presence of the big fish of your world, you're missing a lot and you're stunting your own growth.  It's easy to hear a conference speaker, agree with what he says and fool yourself into thinking your agreement puts you on par with his ability and expertise.  It's just not true.  He's speaking there because he's got something most of the rest of us are lacking.  Embrace that lack and let it drive you to higher levels!

So, back to the levels and what I learned.  In my world, I began to see myself as a big fish (maybe an 8-9 if we're using that scale), but what I found out later on is that I only looked like that big fish in my relatively small pond.  I'll never forget the first time I was in an environment with some of the high level people from Life.Church.  It took about 10 minutes for me to realize that I was way out of my depth.  All of a sudden, I felt like a 4-5, not an 8-9.  And that was unsettling for me.  It was almost like I was having an identity crisis, as a leader.  Ultimately, though, it's become a good thing for me.  And ultimately, it will be a good thing for you if you can embrace the concept and do something about it.

In the last several years, I've had the great honor of speding some personal time with some very high-level leaders in my niche.  And every time I do, the light shines on areas I need to grow in and work on.  I'm so grateful for that.

So, if you want to be great, one thing you will need to do is find ways to get into the presence of those who are at a higher level than you are presently.  If you're a business owner, there's more than the guys in your regional chamber.  If you're a doctor, there's more than just your colleagues at your hospital. If you're a church leader, there's more than your denominational fellowship or your own city network. Recently, I wrote (here) about getting the right people into your life. You definitely should check that out. It will take this conversation deeper and there's a link to another article from Will Mancini that talks specifically about how to get into the presence of these higher level people.

Well, as always, it's up to you.  Swallow your pride.  Realize you don't know it all and surround yourself with the right people.  I'd love to hear how this step helps you grow.  Please share those wins with me, as you experience them.

5 Practices To Enlist The Right People On The Journey Of Life

If life is a journey, who's on that journey with you?  Easy enough question to ask, but much harder to answer.  I think we all, intuitively, know that we need people to do life with us.  We know that there are areas in which we are weak and need others to teach us, support us and even challenge us.  I probably won't get a bunch of push-back from that concept.  If you can't even embrace the idea that you can't do it all alone, you truly do have a problem.  It's called arrogance and it will absolutely destroy you.  But, if you're a rational person looking to lead yourself and those you love to a preferable future, this concept is probably not a problem for you.

The problem, I've found, is that most of us who know we need people to journey with us don't know how to enlist their help.  This used to seem like a mystery to me, as well.  But as I've experimented with this for years now, I've found several practices that can be extremely helpful in bringing the right people around you on your journey.  I hope you'll find these as helpful as I have found them.

5 Practices To Enlist The Right People On The Journey Of Life:

1.  Find + Ask 

Sure, there are people you can think of right now who "have it made" in your eyes.  Those may or may not be the people you want to identify as those you want on the journey with you.  Just because they have a great life or make a lot of money doesn't necessarily qualify them.  I know plenty of people I respect, who I don't need speaking into my life.  The key here is looking for the people who are now doing what you hope to be doing someday.  This could be someone in a career position you aspire toward.  If you're young and don't yet have kids, it could be someone you see as a great parent.  If you struggle to manage your time, you might look for someone who you believe is a great time manager.  If you are not understanding how to grow in your faith, find someone who is a few steps ahead of you and see what you can learn.  It could be anyone in any area of life.  Again, the key is to identify a person who is where you hope to be.  

Once you find them, you have to ask them to participate with you.  That sounds simple, but let me caution you here.  If you go about it the wrong way, it will get weird really fast.  I'm not talking about approaching a total stranger and asking, "Will you be my mentor?".  Almost everyone is going to say no to that.  First off, understand that most of the people you need on your journey are people you already know.  It's just a matter of you helping them see where they are strong and you're weak.  A little sincere flattery will go a long way.  I know I'm much more likely to give time to people who I know respect me.  It's just human nature.  

One more word of caution here.  If you are looking outside of your normal sphere (which is ok from time-to-time) be very careful about how you approach people you don't know.  Will Mancini recently wrote a fantastic article about that.  Please give it a read here.

2.  Lean into these relationships during non-crisis times

Ricky and Shawn are two guys I consider mentors of mine in the realm of personal health and fitness.  For a season, I actually paid for their services as coaches.  I'm not in a season of paying for their services any longer, but the relationship has been kept alive.  Since the season they have been my official coaches, I've texted both of them regularly just to check in and see what's up and how I can pray for them.  It's not super often and it's not real deep.  But the lines of communication are open regularly.  

Yesterday I texted them both asking for their prayers.  Although I've taken quite a bit of weight off in the last 18 months and have learned some new habits, I've felt myself slipping into some of my old, unhealthy, habits lately.  I told these guys as much in my text yesterday and they both responded super-positively.  In fact, Ricky said, "Hey, text us both every day until you get back into the right habits.  We don't mind."  Then not long after, Shawn send a few tongue in cheek pics to inspire me. Honestly, I was blown away by their responses.  That is really generous of them.  I would have been totally satisfied with, "You got it bro.  You're in my prayers."  But they offered so much more than that.  

Do you think it would have been the same if the lines of communication had been silent for the last 12 months?  I doubt it.  I doubt I would have even contacted them.  And that would not have reflected poorly on them.  It would have reflected poorly on me.  If you really care about your relationships, you'll keep the lines somewhat open.  

3.  Don't just take

How much more do I really have to say?  Even if you can't contribute to someone on the same level they contribute to you (which you probably can't), you can show your appreciation and gratitude in all kinds of ways.  If you think the relationship is there just for your benefit, any healthy person will intuitively feel that and move on.  Don't make this mistake.  Find non-weird ways to give back and show your gratitude.

4.  Take responsibility for your own growth 

The relationship will get old really quickly if the conversation is the same every time.  To use the example above, how many times will I get the same response from Ricky and Shawn if I'm texting them saying I'm struggling with the same things every month for the next three years?  There comes a time in every arena of life where you need to just put up or shut up.  I'd encourage you to do one of the two - preferably put up.

5.  Understand when a season begins, changes or even ends

Whether you're talking about the relationship changing in nature or ending altogether, this can be awkward at best and painful at worst.  But, that does not negate the reality here.  There are people in my life who I used to be a mentor to who have become a peer of mine.  There are people in my life who used to be daily close mentors of mine who I'm just not connected with any longer.  There are all kinds of reasons these relationships change and even cease, but you have to discern where your relationships are and where they should go.  

Another wrinkle to this it that very often certain relationships seem to "go dormant" for a period of time - sometimes years. But, even in this phase, be discerning (see #2 above).  I've seen many dormant relationships come back to life and be twice as vibrant the second time around.  

In the end, this is all an art much more than a science, but these 5 practices will serve you well if you take them to heart and put some action to them.  If there are some additional ideas I missed, I'd love for you to share them with me. Leave a comment below.  Good luck on your journey!