What Could YOU Possibly Have To Offer?

So, what do you have to offer?  If you’re like most of us, you shy away from questions like this.  We all tend to underestimate what we have to offer.  That may be because we’re overly-modest, we lack confidence or we simply haven’t done the work to identify it.  Whatever the reason, there are two very big problems with you failing to identify what you have to offer this world.  One is that if you don’t identify and operate in whatever “it” is for you, you’ll never be fulfilled.  There will always be an empty feeling inside you that feels like something is missing.  Second, if you don’t identify your “it”, other people (who need “it” very badly) will miss out.  So, you failing to identify what you have to offer is a lose, lose.  But, when you do identify what you have to offer, it’s a win, win.  Let’s talk about how you can shift to the win, win scenario. 

4 questions to help you answer, “What do I have to offer?”

1.  What do you enjoy?  What energizes you?  What gives you that feeling that says, “I was made to do this”?  You may or may not know the answer to this question right off the bat.  If you do, that’s a great start.  If not, you may have some work to do to identify some of the things you enjoy and energize you.  It’s worth all the work it requires.

2.  What do you believe you’re good at?  Again, this is something you may shy away from, but if you allow yourself to be honest, you can probably identify some things you know you’re good at.  They may be current or they may have laid dormant for quite some time.  Take some time today to think and even write down some of those things you believe you’re truly good at.

3.  What do other people tell you you’re good at?  This is a good test.  We can fool ourselves, but it’s difficult to fool others.  If someone tells you you’re good, you probably are.  Once again, take some time and jot down some of those things others have affirmed in you.  You may have even dismissed them, but it’s important to gather those back to the top of your mind.

4.  If money were no object, what would you do with most of your time?  This isn’t a question about leisure time or early retirement.  It’s about what brings you energy and life.  If you had trouble answering #1 above, this may be tough, too.  But to spin the question in these kinds of limitless terms might be just the help you need.  If you don’t know the answer now, can you at least write down a few possibilities?

While these questions are a great start, you may only get so far on your own.  A skilled coach can help you dig deeper into these questions.  I would be honored to offer you that help by utilizing several highly effective coaching tools I have at my disposal.  Just click here to get started on your journey to living out your dreams.  When you’re ready, l'll be ready to help you get there.

The Single Biggest Factor In Your Success Or Failure - Part 3

You'll need all 5

Previously, we talked about the truth that you are the average of the people you spend the most time with.  There are some relationships you’ll need to cultivate, some you’ll need to pull away from and some you’ll need to create.  Whatever your current situation, you cannot attain God’s dream for you alone.  Today, we’ll talk about the five crucial relationships you’ll need in place to see your dream take flight.

1.  Experts.  These are people working and living out a dream similar to the dream you are called to.  We all need models and mentors and you may need to do some research to find who some of these experts are.  Remember, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel.  Most of us will need to see and even learn a model before we can adapt it.  As you begin to research who some of these experts are, reach out to them and see how you can learn from afar or even up-close.  You may be surprised how accessible some people will be if you just ask.  Overall, chemistry is key.  Look for experts and then lean into the relationships with those you feel you click with best.

2.  Supporters.  These are people who believe in you, who encourage you and would pray for you if you asked.  Supporter are like a spider web.  The tensile strength of a spider’s silk is greater than that of the same weight of steel.  Further, it has greater elasticity, because of its many points of connection.  Who are the people who will hold you up as you move God’s dream forward for your life?

3.  Challengers.  These are the ones who typically tell it like it is.  They are very direct and straight-forward.  We all need these people who will challenge and push us to reach higher and get better.  They will challenge you both by the example of their lives and by the words they speak.  They may not know much about your dream, but they are for you and could play this role if asked.  Caution, these people may threaten you.  You may need some thick skin to gain the valuable perspective a challenger will bring to you.

4.  Resourcers.  These will share and sponsor you into their networks and relationships.  Resourcers will help you with your dream by providing knowledge, experiences and even financial resources.  Again, chemistry is key, but can you think of some people who deeply care about you and might want to help you pursue your dream by being resourcers?  A word of caution.  These won’t always be the people you would expect most.  Just because they’ve been a supporter does not mean they will become a resourcer.

5.  Balancers.  These are the ones who will help you live a healthy and balanced life.  Once you discover God’s dream for your life, it’s easy to pursue it full-throttle, often to the detriment of other vital aspects and people in your life.  We all know people who have burned out doing too much of what they love or have neglected some priorities and have lost valuable parts of their life along the way.  Hear this and hear it well.  You can’t afford to lose your health or relationships that matter most.  Think of people you know that model emotional, physical, relational, intellectual and spiritual health.  Who would push you to take time for leisure activities or hobbies?  You may not know one person who will bring all those traits, but you know some people who can bring some of them.

I hope this list is helpful to you as you pursue God’s dream for your life and try and decide which relationships you need in your life.  Don't know where to start?  I would love to help.  You can get started right here.  If you do the work and get the right people around you, you really can find YOUR future.

*Credit where credit is due. Originally, I wrote this post for 320Coach.  The 5 crucial relationships are part of a larger coaching tool called D.R.E.A.M. that we use at 320Coach.  

The Single Biggest Factor In Your Success Or Failure - Part 2

Where you focus most of your energy is where you’ll see most of your return.  You must learn to sow where you want to go.  You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.  All true statements.  I doubt you’ll push back against those much.  But, I would wager that you may push back against the implications those statements carry for you.  Easier said than done, right?

Let’s re-focus.  We’re talking about you.  You’re a leader.  You’re a dreamer.  You’ve got a picture, in your mind’s eye, of a preferred future.  So, that leaves you with a big decision to make.  Who are the people you will invite into your life and who are the people you may need to give limited access to?  More than any other single factor, the people you choose to spend most of your time with will affect your current and future success, or lack thereof.  The rubber now meets the road.  What does this mean for you?  Well, it means just what you may suspect, or even fear, it means.  You must get strategic about the relationships in your life.  Let me suggest three great questions you can use as a filter to be that strategic person you so badly want to be.

1.  Who are the current people in my life who are helping move my dream forward?  Your life consists of many relationships, but they are not all created equally.  If you’re moving toward that dream or desire in your life, you must become discerning about which relationships are moving you in the right direction and which ones are not.  The good news is that you probably already have some people in your life who are helping move your dream forward. Take a mental inventory of your relationships.  Who is excited about your dreams?  Who believes in you?  Who is a step or two ahead of you on a similar path?  These are the questions you can ask to figure out who may already be in your life that you may want to lean into more, as time goes on. 

2.  Are there relationships I have that need to be pulled back or stopped?  Doesn’t this hurt, just thinking about it?  I would think there are pretty good odds that a person or two just popped into your mind the instant you read this question.  Just like you need to identify and lean into those who believe in you and are going the direction you want to go; you also must identify and pull away from those who are moving in the opposite direction.  Some of these might be easy to pull away from, but the closer these relationships are, the more delicate and potentially awkward these moves will be.  I would encourage you to get some perspective from someone you trust on this before you pull away or shut down any long-standing or close relationships.  It’s ok to move slowly and carefully, but you must move deliberately.

3.  Are there relationships that need to be cultivated?  In #1 above, I mentioned identifying and leaning into key relationships. Cultivating is a step above.  More than just leaning into the right relationships, you must identify new ones and learn to add value.  The more you get into relationships with people who are going places, the more discerning those people will be about who they spend their time with.  It’s not enough for you to just ask to spend time with people a step ahead of you.  As you get that time with them, you must add value to the relationship.  Any relationship is a two-way street and if all the energy is coming your way, it won’t be long until your new friend identifies YOU as someone in the #2 category above.  Cultivation is all about adding value.

So, if you really are the average of the five people you spend the most time with (and you are), then you moving toward your dream demands honest answers to the questions above.  It also demands that you face the implications of those answers and begin to make relational moves accordingly.  These kinds of moves may be just the type that a good coach could help you navigate.  I would love to be that help to you.  You can get started right here.  If you do the work and get the right people around you, you really can find YOUR future.

The Single Biggest Factor In Your Success Or Failure - Part 1

There’s a principle to live by.  You’re intelligent and you’ve been around the block a time or two.  I’m sure you know it well.  If you’re a Christian, you might call it the law of sowing and reaping.  If not, you might call it karma. Whatever you name it, the behavior of the principle remains true.  Where you focus most of your energy is where you’ll see most of your return. “Learn to sow where you want to go”, a friend and mentor of mine used to say.  There may be no truer arena for this principle to take hold than that of whom we choose to associate with and whom we do not.  The simple fact is, more than any other single factor, the people you choose to spend most of your time with will affect your current and future success, or lack thereof. 

You’re a leader.  You’re a dreamer.  You’ve got a picture, in your mind’s eye, of a preferred future.  So, that leaves you with a big decision to make.  Who are the people you will invite into your life and who are the people you may need to give limited access to?  But, wait.  We’re getting ahead of ourselves.  Before we start deciding whom we may want in our lives and whom we may need to pull away from, there’s an even more fundamental question to answer.  What are my personal desires?

What are your personal desires?  Ask yourself this question and spend plenty of time there to make sure you are clear.  You may know right off the top of your head or you may need to take some extended time to consider this question. Either way, it’s the baseline question to answer before you consider which relationships are going to be key for you to cultivate and which ones will not be. 

To get ultra-practical, if your greatest personal desire is to take your organization to the next level, you’ll want to spend time with those who have done just that.  Just because your best friend from college is a great guy and you have years of history together does not mean he or she is going to help you see your personal desires come to pass.  Am I saying you need to shut down all your relationships with all your old friends?  Certainly not.  What I am saying is that until you are very clear about your personal desires, you will have no idea what type of people to be around.  Jim Rohn has said, famously, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  Don’t you think you should know what kind of people you want to be with before you start giving away the most precious resource you possess?

Some time ago, I got very clear about my personal desire to help organizations, especially churches, in the area of strategic planning.  It was this clarity of desire that informed my decision about some new relationships to begin.  We’ll talk more about how to choose the right relationships in the next couple posts, but it’s worth saying my clarity of desire back then brought me to many of the relationships I enjoy today. 

It’s your life.  It’s your dream.  It’s your time.  Don’t you think you should get clear about your personal desires before you give yourself away to people who may not get you any closer to where you want to be?  If you’re not sure about your personal desires or you don’t know how to get started, I would love to help.  You can get started right here.  I would love to help you get clear about your direction.  If you do the work and get the right people around you, you really can find YOUR future.

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5 Reasons You Should Reconsider Your View Of Millennials

I'm 44 years old.  I'm a solid Gen-X-er.  Now that the Baby Boomers are retiring in droves,  my fellow Gen-Ex-ers and I are taking firm hold of the power structure in our nation.  It's true in businesses.  It's true in politics.  And it's true in the church.   Now that the platform for my generation is growing, I'm hearing an awful lot of complaining about the Millennial Generation.  You know, millennials, those born roughly between 1982 -2000, depending on which researcher you choose to cite.  That means they are somewhere between 17 and 35 years old.  If we split the difference, we're talking about a person who's about 26 years old.  

But, I'm not writing to just define an age-group.  Rather, I'm writing to pose a question to my fellow Gen-X-ers and the Baby Boomers ahead of us.  The question is, why are these twenty-somethings getting so much grief from us?  Honestly, I think I see an article every other day about how entitled and lazy and irresponsible this generation is.  And the worst part is that it's my friends and colleagues writing and sharing this all over the internet!  At the risk of sounding over-dramatic, I would like to say to my friends and colleagues who are doing this, respectfully, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.  If you have jumped on the anti-millennial bandwagon,  I want to offer you five reasons you should jump off ASAP.  

1. They're kids.  So was I.  So were you.  I can't speak for you, but when I was 26, I was an idiot.  I didn't know squat, but I thought I knew it all.  Thank God for people in their 40's and 50's who took me under their wing to show me better ways to live.  Thank God they didn't write me off.  Neither should we write off a generation.  They need us to take them under our wings and show them better ways.
2. Not all of them are idiot kids.  Many are light years ahead of where we were at their age.  I want to brag on a millennial friend and colleague of mine.  Mitch Little is a 22-year-old associate student pastor at Solace Church and the guy is literally years and years ahead of where I was when I was his age.  My sons look up to him and I trust him completely with the influence he has with them.  Sure, he may not know some of what I know now, but I'm twice his age.  By the time he's my age, I can only imagine how far he will have gone.  Mitch is an exceptional man, but he is not the exception to his generation.  There are plenty of Mitch Littles in this millennial generation.
3. You're vilifying an entire generation.  I know you've had bad experiences with millennials, maybe especially in the workforce.  I have too.   But is this the only generation you've had a bad experience with?  The whole truth is, we could vilify any other generation in history if we chose to focus only on their negative traits.  Why are we choosing to cast a negative light on an entire generation because of some bad experiences we've had with some individuals in that age-range?  That reflects much more poorly on us than it does on them.
4. They're your kids, so it's your fault.  Let's do some math.  If someone is 26, that means their parents are anywhere from their mid-forties to late-fifties (roughly).  Those are the exact people I see doing the bulk of the complaining.  Hey, if they are our kids, and they are exhibiting poor character traits and a poor work ethic, who does that reflect on most?  Maybe we should have skipped some of those "everybody plays, everybody wins" sports leagues.  
5. They will be handed the keys, regardless of what you think about them.  More math. We're going to be retiring and dying before they do.  If they will be holding the responsibility and authority of our nation in the future anyway, doesn't it make sense that we should dispense with the complaining and lean into the mentoring?  

So, where does that leave us, who are in our 40's, 50's and beyond?  I think it positions us with both a great responsibility and a great opportunity.  Sure, generation gaps are real.  But contrary to what we want to tell ourselves, they are generally created and almost always precipitated by older generations who want to dismiss the younger who are simply exploring their own identity just like we did!  The Baby Boomers said Gen-X were a bunch of negative cynics.  Gen-X says Millennials are a bunch of entitled sloths.  Is any of that helpful?  Of course not.  But beyond that, I would argue that, by and large, it's also untrue. 

If you've read this far, congratulations.  If you're offended by this, I'm sorry.  If you disagree, I'd love to hear why.  It's very possible I'm missing a facet of the reality.  If you agree, please share this post. Whatever your stance, the millennial generation is here to stay and they will assume more authority and responsibility, as time goes on.  How we work to mentor, challenge and build them up between now and then is completely up to us and vital to our future and theirs.

The Science of Goals - Part 2 - Why Failure is a Win

We began this 2-part series last week and today we finish up our conversation about the Science of Goals.  We know that not everyone sets goals, but even of those who do, most go about it in a self-defeating sort of way.  This series is about you understanding the science of goals and structuring and measuring your goals in a way that helps you gain confidence and grow.  So, if you're feeling disappointed or stuck, this post and last week's are for you.  Last week, we talked about setting up a "win-cycle" for your goals.  This week, let's talk about how we measure the success of our goals.  Initially, you may not believe this, but completing a "failing" % of your goals this year will actually be a BIG win for you.  Let's look at how this works.

This is a quick case study of my own goals from 2016.  When we were near the end of last year, I sat down and recorded what % of my goals I accomplished.  That year, I had six areas I was measuring goals in.  It's probably too many.  For 2017, I consolidated my goals to 3 areas.  However, for clarity, I listed the six main areas and what % I reached on those goals. You can see them below.  Overall, it doesn't look too impressive.  

2016 Goal Performance:

- Faith - 37%

- Health - 36%
- Family - 34%
- Finance - 7%
- Vision - 90%
- Work - 74%

If you average all these, I accomplished about 47% of my 2016 goals.  Sounds even worse, right?  But, allow yourself to think about this differently for a minute.  The reason we are all trained to think 47% is poor is because we filter it through our formalized education system.  We all spent years in school and we all know that 47% is an F - it's a failure!  So, we reason, completing 47% of my goals is also a failure. But, nothing could be further from the truth!

Here's why.  In school, you learn and test to meet a standard.  If you're a kid in 9th grade, there are 9th grade standards and you strive to meet 100% of the standards. I'm not saying that's a good system, but it is the system our culture uses.  When we fall below 100%, we're that far below the standard.  We say (roughly) 90-100% is excellent, 80-89% is good, 70-79% is average . . . you get the picture. In this system, 47% is way below the standard and given a failing grade.  

But goals are completely different than standardized education.  While standardized education says, "this is the standard and you must meet it", goal setting says, "here's where you are and here's where you could be."  Goals are not about meeting standards. Goals about improving and growing. 

So, let's talk about my abysmal 47% performance in 2016.  Can I tell you what my 2016 experience was?  It was, by far, the biggest year of growth I've ever seen.  Wait, what?  Only 47% of my goals accomplished and I saw huge growth?  How can this be? Remember the nature of goals.  Goals are about improving and growing, not meeting standards.  So, if you or I measure goals like we're in school meeting standards, we're going to fool ourselves into thinking we failed when we really won big!

Would it be great to accomplish 100% of your goals?  Sure.  But is it necessary?  No.  Even if you accomplish 10% of your goals, you've seen a 10% improvement in some area of your life.  Who would call that failure?  Not I.  Neither should you.  When it comes to goals, even "failure" is a win.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.  Leave a comment and start a conversation about it.

The Science of Goals - Part 1 - The Win-Cycle

It's February.  Know what that means?  Depending on what part of the country you live in, it may mean different things.  Here in Oklahoma, we're looking at an 85-degree Saturday.  My sister-in-law, who lives in Massachusettes is under a foot of snow that fell yesterday.  But, weather aside, one universal truth about February is that most of us have begun trailing off from the goals we set to begin the year.  You may have called them goals.  You may have called them resolutions.  Whatever the name you used, you had high hopes for some big changes this year.  If you're feeling disappointed or stuck on your goals, this post and next week's are for you.

Today let's talk about creating a win-cycle with your goals.  I'll use a football analogy to illustrate.  Every football team has a starting quarterback and they have at least one backup.  When the starter gets hurt and the backup has to come in cold and unexpectedly, what do the announcers inevitably talk about and what do most offensive coordinators do? They create a win-cycle for that backup quarterback.  They may not call it that, but here's what it looks like.  They will, intentionally, call plays for the backup that are easy to have success with - quick hand-off, a screen pass or a short quick pass.  Do they call these plays because they think they'll score?  No.  They call them so the new guy can run a few successful plays, get some "wins" under his belt and play the rest of the game with confidence.

You should approach your goals the same way, especially if you're not accustomed to setting and achieving them.  I'll use the easy example of weight loss because that seems to be on almost everyone's list.  You can list the same goal two ways.  One way is, "I'll lose 25 pounds in 2017."  It's a good goal.  It's attainable.  It's measurable.  It meets all the criteria.  But, what does it do to your psyche when it's February 10 and you've lost 2 or 3 pounds?  It feels like you've been at it forever and you're only 8-12% to your goal. It doesn't feel like you're winning and you lose motivation fast.  What if you stated and measured the goal differently?  What if you said, "I'll lose 2 pounds per month for all of 2017"?  It's the same goal (within a pound), but this way, being down 2-3 pounds Feb 10 has you right on track.  The win cycle can be measured every month - even every week - instead of just at the end of the year. In the first scenario, your confidence takes a dive 6-8 weeks into it. In the second scenario, your confidence grows as long as you're making slow and steady progress.

I was coaching with a client about a month ago and I introduced this idea of the win-cycle to him.  He was able to break his big goals down into smaller pieces.  I could see the light come on in his eyes when he realized he could build up or tear down his own confidence, seeing the very same results.  The only difference is how he declared and measured the goals.

How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  How do you accomplish big goals?  One bite at a time.  Let me encourage you, today, to revisit those goals.  Don't give up on them.  Re-engineer them so you experience a regular win cycle.  

I hope this is helpful and encouraging to you today.  Next week I will tell you why it's a big WIN for you to accomplish a relatively low % of your goals.  I'm looking forward to sharing this with you!  In the meantime, please share with me how you've re-written your goals to create a win-cycle for yourself!