I need to trust who I am

I'm having a tough time being myself since I moved to Tulsa. Not around my family or the people who moved with me, but around the people I meet here. I'm so focused, fixated might be the word, on not coming off "churchy" or "religious" that I feel like I'm masking my love for Jesus and how excited I am to be a follower of His.

I feel like one of my strengths as a leader is my ability to be real and transparent. I am having trouble with that and I need God's help to just settle down and be myself. It's wearing me out all the time wondering how I'll come off to someone I meet. I am who I am. I guess that's a little bit churchy, but mostly just a real guy.

I must admit, I didn't see this one coming. I'm feeling pretty confused and worn out right now. Thank God for Sabbath days. I have one starting in just a couple hours!

growing up some

Last week Sara and I spent a couple days in the Atlanta, GA area and a couple days on the road to get to and fro. It was a great trip. Officially, we were being "assessed" by ARC and the goal was to be recommended as an official ARC church plant. Well, we were assessed and we were recommended. I'm happy about that, but I'm even happier about what God taught me in the process.

First, I think God showed me a picture of a church that is like what He eventually has in mind for us in Tulsa. On our way to Atlanta we visited New Life Church in Little Rock, AR. If I could sum up what I felt there, it would be excellence coupled with openness. I hope to get back there with some our our staff in the very near future.

Next, God reiterated to me (again) how vitally important it is to have a weekly date with Sara. I thank God for our 45 minutes we spent with Chip Judd. He really challenged me in that area.

A big question I had going into this assessment phase was, "Will our church affiliate with the Assemblies of God?" For some reason, that was cloudy to me. Not anymore. Of course we will. I am eager to get that started officially with the OK district of the AG.

Overall, God gently showed me that I'm less arrogant than I used to be and not as humble as I ought to be. I'm so thankful for the time with my wife and the things God taught me this week.

I love my family

I just want to say that I feel a new level of love for my family building up in my heart. If feel really grateful to the husband of Sara and dad to Colin, Liam, Ethan and Jude. That's all.

the harvest

I'm doing a bible-reading plan right now that takes me through all the gospels in 30 days. I'm really loving it. This morning I just read John 4:38.

John 4:38 - "I sent you to harvest where you didn’t plant; others had already done the work, and now you will get to gather the harvest.”

It struck me that God has directed a group of us here to Tulsa to "gather a large harvest". That would be a large harvest of people coming into a relationship with their Father God.

While that's a very exciting prospect, I'm reminded that a very wise man once taught me that the harvest is the hardest work of all. Harvest is more work than planting the seed and harvest is more work than cultivating the seed. But without the harvest, the other steps are in vain.

Many, I'm tired. Lord, please give me the strength and stamina to be part of gathering Your harvest in Tulsa.

2009 in review (a very short review)

2009 has been such a strange and profound year for me. I started off with all kinds of goals and aspirations. Some of them I reached, some of them I abandoned.

Obviously, the most unexpected element of 2009 was God's leading for us to start a church in and move to Tulsa. As I write in the darkness of my living room in Tulsa, I can hardly believe all that's happened this year. If I could boil it all down into one thought, it's this.

God talks to and uses people who are growing and pulling close to Him.

All my goals and aspirations for 09 were about me being a more healthy, growing, Godly man. Even though I didn't reach every goal, God met me in ways I never dreamed of.

My goal for 2010. Pull yet closer to Jesus. My seat belt is fastened.

"Primal" book review

I just finished Mark Batterson's latest book, Primal. Man, every book the guy writes is better than the one before. In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day urged me to stay in ministry during some dark times, Wild Goose Chase inspired me to step into the world of church-planting and now Primal has dared me get to know my Creator on a level I've not yet known.

This book talks about the heart, the soul, the mind and the strength of Christianity. It is an absolute challenge. But it's not a challenge to do, which is what I normally respond to, but a challenge to be. To be a person who dares to journey deep into what it is to be a Christian. To be a person who knows God on a level that most of us don't even realize exists.

I'm a "doer". I guess I'm wired for action. So when one of my college professors proclaimed in a Theology class one day that the ultimate end for mankind is simply to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength, it was easy for me to roll my eyes and wait for the class to be over. I think I'm starting to get it. And this book is helping me so much.

I'll end with a short passage from Primal. "Which do you love more: your dream or God? Do you love God for what He can do for you? Or do you love Him for who He is? In its purest, most primal form, loving God with all you heart, soul, mind and strength is loving God for God. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else." p. 165

I hope my local bookstore has a copy. I have one person in mind whom I want to get a copy to for Christmas. Beyond that, I'm asking my entire leadership team to read this book and I feel a real pull toward this as the teaching series as our church opens next Fall. Bottom line: buy this book. Read it. Devour it. Pass it on. Repeat.

a changing of the guard?

In the last month, the city of Tulsa has seen two pillars of Christian leadership give up their lives on earth and take hold of their lives in Heaven. One month ago today Billy Joe Daugherty died and one week ago today Granville Oral Roberts died.

I had the privilege of attending the memorial service for Oral Roberts yesterday. It was a very cool service. Without a doubt, a celebration of his life and how God used him during those ninety-one years. As I sat there among thousands, I had a very profound and sobering realization that, in some small way, the mantle of Oral and Pastor Billy Joe was being passed to me.

Hey, please don't get me wrong, I'm no Oral Roberts or Billy Joe Daugherty. When I say the mantle is being passed, I mean to me and many other Christian leaders. How much of that will rest on me? I think that depends entirely on how closely I follow the Holy Spirit.

Oral's daughter, Roberta, said yesterday at the service, "The only thing my dad feared was that he may not listen to God." I would say I'm in that boat today. God has called me to do so much in this puny life. The only way that could fail is if I don't listen to His voice leading me.

Thank you Billy Joe Daugherty and Oral Roberts. You have done immeasurable work for God's Kingdom in Tulsa and around the world. I feel honored to carry on your work, however small that part may be.